Life is busy. That’s just how it goes. But the type of
things you are busy with change over the years. I often think about the many
things that run through my brain in the span of a day and how a human brain is
able to cope with that level of activity. After becoming a mom, the number of
issues spinning around in my brain has significantly increased and it shows no
signs of slowing down. The COVID era came with even more things to worry about.
My twin boys are almost 3 and it seems I have to worry about something new every
day that pertains to them. In an effort to understand myself and to give my
brain a much-needed organization, I decided to write out a list of my daily
thoughts as they stand now. Turns out there were so many different types of
worries that I had to categorize them for my own brain to handle.
Kids:
- · Are my kids waking up later than they should be? But also, why are they not sleeping more?
- · Are the kids learning to brush their teeth properly? Am I doing a good job cleaning their teeth?
- · What is my kid eating? Why are they not eating more? And more variety? Why are they so picky?
- · Am I giving my kid enough opportunities to be active? Also, how do I give them outdoor time when it is soooo hot outside?
- · Why can’t my kids feed themselves? But also, they eat so less when they eat by themselves. And they will only eat junk food. How will they ever grow?
- · Is it okay that my child is still taking a bottle? They are getting issues with teeth. But I am not ready to fight with them about the bottle. But teeth!
- · Is the car seat installed properly? But why is their head falling in that weird angle? Should I pull over and fix them?
- · Allergies…
- · Potty training…no explanation needed
- · Dressing kids according to the weather
- · Are my kids going to hurt themselves? Badly? Should I protect them or let them get hurt and learn?
- · Are kids learning my language, culture, and religion?
- · How do I talk to the kids so they can learn to talk more?
- · Are they learning to share and be kind?
- · How will they do when they are back in daycare? Will they be safe?
- · How can I make them more independent so they are ready next year to begin school? Next year??? Really???
Housekeeping:
- · When is garbage day? Is all the garbage being thrown out? What about kitty litter? Garden litter? Food scraps into organic? DIAPERS!!!!
- · When was the last time I cleaned the bathroom? What is that gross stain in the corner??
- · Can I turn the dishwasher on yet? It’s not full but I really want those things cleaned. But that’s a waste of water and electricity.
- · When was the last time I opened the windows in the house and let fresh air through?
- · When did I change our bedsheets last? Do I need to clean the kids' bed stuff and their stuffies?
- · Those veggies I bought a week ago are going bad and need to be eaten. But there is leftovers.
- · The floors need to be cleaned since the kids eat off the floor but what is safe to use?
- · Did the kids pee there? Did I get a chance to clean it up yet?
- · Kids are outgrowing their clothes. I need to find time to go through their stuff and donate items.
- · I need to clean out the vacuum cleaner. It’s so gross and full!
- · Make a list of what I need to buy or else I will forget when I am in the store.
Garden
- · Oh no! The garden needs water twice a day in this heat. But that’s a waste of water!
- · The grass is burnt and I don’t want to waste water watering grass. But the kids are running on it and getting splinters from the dry grass ☹
- · What other things do I need to plant in order to feed my family healthy nutritious stuff? What will make the house look prettier?
- · Oh no, bugs pests and diseases in the plants I have been so caring towards! When do I find time to deal with this? What is safe to use?
- · I have to harvest the stuff that is ready before they go bad but there is too much to eat. I can give it to people I know but I don’t have time to get to them…plus COVID
- · Fertilize garden!
Career
- · Kids are home so work takes a second priority. Barely getting to it.
- · Work is piling up and no one else will do it. My boss will fire me any day.
- · But do I even want this job?
- · Am I using all the skills I have gained over the years?
- · My parents have paid for me to get this far. Is this going to make them proud?
- · Will pursuing my career have an impact on my spouse’s work? Or my kids?
Self-care and spirituality
- · Not enough sleep
- · Sleep not restful due to kids waking up too often
- · No time to destress at the end of the day because of too many things to do
- · No time/energy/motivation for the gym or working out
- · No time to pray or pray with full ease because my brain is running a mile a minute
- · Headache…sneezing…COVID?? Don’t have time to worry about that now!
Extended Family and Friends
- · Who do I need to call and reach out to?
- · Haven’t spoken to my mom in 24 hours. She will freak out
- · Haven’t sent any new pictures of the kids to the family
- · Haven’t returned that text from a friend
- · Need to buy a birthday gift/card
- · Why is that person mad at me? I have no clue. Should I apologize? But I did nothing wrong.
So there, I tried to organize my thoughts. Seems like a lot.
I am fairly certain I go through all or most of these thoughts in the run of a
day. At the end of the day, it’s important to take a breath and remember that
you are human and whatever you were able to accomplish is amazing. Whatever you
didn’t get to will still be there tomorrow. I am trying to remind myself of
that every day. It’s not easy, but it is the only way to get to tomorrow. I have
no solutions on how to overcome these thoughts or stop having them so I have
some amount of mental space available for myself. But I recognize that this is part
of me. And perhaps a part of many folks out there. We are not alone, and for
that, I am only slightly grateful. Let’s get through each day together.
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