Dear Irrational (daughter out of the house) « Blog Archive « Dan Ariely

Dear Irrational (daughter out of the house) « Blog Archive « Dan Ariely


Here is a blog written by Dan Ariely, who's area of research deals with proving that people are not rational even when they claim they are. Since a nice number of people I know are currently in the a similar stage to that explained here, I wanted to share this blog.

In here, a lady write in asking how to help her daughter who can't make a decision about what job to go for. Advice given to the mother:
1) Be sympathetic, it's tough deciding what you want to do in life and closing all other doors
2) Systematically eliminate jobs she is not interested in
3) Get her to take a temp job she doesn't really enjoy: Why:
        a) Keeps her on a work schedule and gives her motivation to look for a job she actually likes
        b) Motivation to get out doing something she does not enjoy
        c) Other potential jobs will seem tempting ( to avoid too high of an expectation)

New Year...New Thoughts

I recently read this sentence: Life is what happens to us while we are making other plans. It’s so true. All the beautiful things that we encounter or experience are things that happen purely by chance. You may have had a list to go to the grocery store, but you probably didn’t plan on meeting your spouse there. But it may have happened. You may have accepted a certain job to get you through university but never expected that job to change the way you look at life and change your career path. It’s beautiful how random our lives can be and how we never notice.

Happy New Year everyone. I am not someone who makes new year’s resolutions. I don’t think that if I need to make an improvement in my life, I need to wait for a certain time of the year to make that change. Perhaps for some people it acts as a motivation and so it works. To keep the good things in life and to let beautiful coincidences in my life to continue, I will not plan changes in my life at a certain time.

An example is my diet. I have made a huge change in my diet. I made this change probably since the last week of November or so. I didn’t want to wait till after Christmas to make the change because then I am telling myself I am not strong enough to make the healthy change. My diet now consists of this:

Breakfast: 1 cup bran cereal, 1 cup non-dairy milk (almond or soy milk), a handful of dried cranberries. I also sometimes add a small amount of yummier cereal so my body doesn’t wonder about the bran too much.

Mid-morning Snack: A banana or container of grapes

Lunch: Box of pre-prepared salad, some dried cranberries, a small amount of sliced almonds, some protein on the side (could be small pieces of chicken or shrimp fried up on pan with some spices). Sometimes I will also have a pita bread. I buy the greek pitas and brush a small amount of olive oil and garlic on them and sprinkle a small amount of salt.

Afternoon snack: An apple, or something equivalent

Supper: Same as lunch

And that’s what I eat all day. I do let myself indulge when I feel a strong urge. Haven’t given anything up but have dramatically reduced the amount of beef, grease and rice i eat.

Figured I’d share this with people. And remember, if you think you need to make a change, make it now. It’s as good  a time as any.

9 Ways to Ward Off Your Worries | World of Psychology

9 Ways to Ward Off Your Worries | World of Psychology

Ask yourself right now if you can do something about it. The problem with worry, among others, is that it steals everyday moments. It prevents us from living in the present and enjoying ourselves.In an article on Beliefnet.com, author Allia Zobel Nolan writes:

You’re at the movies and a worrisome thought crosses your mind. Did I check whether the documents were sent tonight to my client? This thought leads to another and another: If it didn’t get sent, maybe I can drop it off in the morning? But I have a breakfast meeting with the V.P. tomorrow. In the meantime, half the movie has gone by, and you’ve missed it.

Zobel Nolan suggests asking ourselves: “Can I do anything about this matter right now, right this minute?”
If you can’t, write down your worry, release it and focus on right now.

Block out “worry time.” If your worries are interfering with your day, schedule a time each day that you’re going to worry — and only worry during that time. If a worrisome thought comes into your mind, just say to yourself “I’ll worry about this at 7 p.m.”Also, during your “worry time,” brainstorm some ways you can fix your concerns. Some of your worries may be legitimate and no doubt you’ll feel much better if you create actionable solutions.

Realize that worrying is a choice and do something better with your time. This is another tip from Zobel Nolan. Sure, we don’t have complete control over our thoughts, but thinking of worry as a choice is empowering. You don’t have to feed your worry.Once Zobel Nolan notices that worries are swirling in her head, she focuses on another activity, “something that requires your complete mental attention.”Think of your favorite activities that distract you, calm you down and give you laser-like focus. Maybe that’s reading inspiring lines from a book, praying, meditating or doing a puzzle.

Flood a piece of paper with your worries. When your brain is bursting with worries, write them down. Release all those cooped-up worries from the corners of your mind, and let the paper deal with them. By writing down your worries, you feel as though you’re emptying your brain, and you feel lighter and less tense.

Identify the deeper threats behind your worries and instead work on those. Robert L. Leahy, Ph.D, writes in his book, The Worry Cure: Seven Steps to Stop Worry from Stopping You (read an excerpt here):

You worry about some things but not others. Why? Your core belief is the source of the worry. It may be your concern about being imperfect, being abandoned, feeling helpless, looking like a fool, or acting irresponsibly.

So dig deeper into your worries to find the actual root of the problem. Do your worries revolve around the same theme or several similar themes? Write them down and look for patterns.
If you tackle the root cause, there’s a good chance that these worries won’t come up anymore — or won’t be so powerful.

Feel your feelings.What does worrying have to do with identifying and processing your emotions? According to Leahy, worrying is what we do to avoid unpleasant or painful emotions.He writes:

You are afraid of your feelings because you think you should be rational, in control, never upset, always clear in how you feel, and on top of things. Even though you recognize that you’re a nervous wreck, your fear of your feelings drives you into more worry.

Participate in physical activity. Physical activity helps in calming your nerves and clearing your mind. When I work out, my worries seem to melt away. Of course, they don’t vanish but physical activity has a way of putting life into perspective. Those happy endorphins probably have something to do with it, too.Just be sure to engage in physical activities that you genuinely enjoy and that make you happy.

Practice regular self-care. When you’re overworked, stressed-out and sleep-deprived, anxiety and worry thrive. So work on getting enough sleep, taking time out to engage in enjoyable activities and nourishing your body.

See a therapist. Maybe you’ve tried the above tips to no avail or your worry has worsened. If worry is ruling your world — interfering with work, your relationships or daily life in general — consider seeing a therapist. You can search for a therapist using this tool.

Dan Ariely » Blog Archive A gentler and more logical economics «

Dan Ariely » Blog Archive A gentler and more logical economics «