Asking for Help

Have you ever been in a spot where you needed help for something but weren’t sure if you should ask for help? Were you worried that someone would judge you for asking the question and then would laugh at you and wouldn’t actually help? I think we’ve all been there. But has there been a time when you were worried about all those things but asked for help anyway because you really needed to? Have you been pleasantly surprised with an understanding face and a helpful non-ridiculing hand? I feel that if you think hard enough, you will answer yes to that question as well, for at least one occasion. This is because, for a lot of the time, that fear is internal and not based on facts. It’s based on feelings. Feelings of confusion and mistrust and self consciousness. These feelings might be stopping you from asking the questions you need answered and preventing you from going where you can go. These feelings are very common so don’t feel like you are alone in thinking this way. Just know that there is help out there…for everything. All you need to do is hold your hand out and find what you need. It will not come to you. You might find that those providing you help are more like you than you think. Asking for help is the right of everyone and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. If anyone stops you from getting help, get them away from you. They are only making your life harder, no matter how much you think you need them.

You might be thinking now: easier said than done. And it usually is. So how can you make yourself ask for help? I would recommend starting by
1) telling yourself that you need to ask for help. Stand in front of the mirror everyday when you wake up and before you go to bed and tell yourself that you need to ask for help…and believe it.
2) Then, start to look for the best source of help. There is so much information out there that it is hard sometimes to know what is right and what is wrong. Doing a little bit of research will give you an idea of who might have the proper answer. Perhaps a friend who has been in a similar situation, a guidance counselor or a family doctor. Once you know where to go, the easy part is done. Now to actually ask.
3) Consider writing down what you need help with. We think a lot more clearly when we are writing then when we say things. Responses and reactions from the other person isn’t there to distract us then. You can go back and edit things if you like. More likely than not, you will try to make it sound less serious than it is. That is fine, as long as you ASK for help.
4) Once it is written, there are a few ways to approach the actual delivery of the message. If you want to be brave, you can read it to them face to face, avoiding eye contact if it helps. Or perhaps record it in audio and send that. If not, there is always the email issue. Email has become an easy way to ask for help without being face to face with those who can help you unless you build trust.

Once the message delivery is done, you can breathe. In fact you should. This is about when the anxiety will kick in wondering how the person will react to what you have told them. And that’s okay. Just remember that the hardest part is already done. Don’t avoid them and don’t try to run away from them. If you start to think about running away, just take 6 deep breaths. Yes 6 is necessary. Deep inhale, hold for a few seconds, and deep exhale. Continue 5 more times. Once it is done, if you still feel like running away, by all means, run. But while running, pat yourself on the back for not running away from a socially awkward situation as soon as it occurs. Over time, you can increase the number if breaths to increase the length of time you spend in the situation and you will notice that you anxiety will slowly reduce.

Hopefully the one you asked for help will be able to help you, and if they are not, will usually refer you to someone who can. Don’t lose hope if it doesn’t work out the first time you get help. Remember, everyone is different and the solutions they need are different. No one has all the answers. You can develop the answer suitable to you in conjunction with your helper. If your helper has exhausted all possible unsuccessful solutions, you might consider seeking help from elsewhere in the same method described above.

I hope this has been helpful. Feel free to write to me about your experiences, successful and unsuccessful ones.

This link provides some valuable numbers to help lines.