Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Different Hellos
Have you ever noticed that when people are talking on the phone, if for some reason the person on the other side doesn't respond, they will say hello, and then keep saying hello using different frequencies, like hellooooooo, heeelloooooo. As if changing the way they say hello will make the other person respond.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Asking for Help
Have you ever been in a spot where you needed help for something but weren’t sure if you should ask for help? Were you worried that someone would judge you for asking the question and then would laugh at you and wouldn’t actually help? I think we’ve all been there. But has there been a time when you were worried about all those things but asked for help anyway because you really needed to? Have you been pleasantly surprised with an understanding face and a helpful non-ridiculing hand? I feel that if you think hard enough, you will answer yes to that question as well, for at least one occasion. This is because, for a lot of the time, that fear is internal and not based on facts. It’s based on feelings. Feelings of confusion and mistrust and self consciousness. These feelings might be stopping you from asking the questions you need answered and preventing you from going where you can go. These feelings are very common so don’t feel like you are alone in thinking this way. Just know that there is help out there…for everything. All you need to do is hold your hand out and find what you need. It will not come to you. You might find that those providing you help are more like you than you think. Asking for help is the right of everyone and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. If anyone stops you from getting help, get them away from you. They are only making your life harder, no matter how much you think you need them.
You might be thinking now: easier said than done. And it usually is. So how can you make yourself ask for help? I would recommend starting by
1) telling yourself that you need to ask for help. Stand in front of the mirror everyday when you wake up and before you go to bed and tell yourself that you need to ask for help…and believe it.
2) Then, start to look for the best source of help. There is so much information out there that it is hard sometimes to know what is right and what is wrong. Doing a little bit of research will give you an idea of who might have the proper answer. Perhaps a friend who has been in a similar situation, a guidance counselor or a family doctor. Once you know where to go, the easy part is done. Now to actually ask.
3) Consider writing down what you need help with. We think a lot more clearly when we are writing then when we say things. Responses and reactions from the other person isn’t there to distract us then. You can go back and edit things if you like. More likely than not, you will try to make it sound less serious than it is. That is fine, as long as you ASK for help.
4) Once it is written, there are a few ways to approach the actual delivery of the message. If you want to be brave, you can read it to them face to face, avoiding eye contact if it helps. Or perhaps record it in audio and send that. If not, there is always the email issue. Email has become an easy way to ask for help without being face to face with those who can help you unless you build trust.
Once the message delivery is done, you can breathe. In fact you should. This is about when the anxiety will kick in wondering how the person will react to what you have told them. And that’s okay. Just remember that the hardest part is already done. Don’t avoid them and don’t try to run away from them. If you start to think about running away, just take 6 deep breaths. Yes 6 is necessary. Deep inhale, hold for a few seconds, and deep exhale. Continue 5 more times. Once it is done, if you still feel like running away, by all means, run. But while running, pat yourself on the back for not running away from a socially awkward situation as soon as it occurs. Over time, you can increase the number if breaths to increase the length of time you spend in the situation and you will notice that you anxiety will slowly reduce.
Hopefully the one you asked for help will be able to help you, and if they are not, will usually refer you to someone who can. Don’t lose hope if it doesn’t work out the first time you get help. Remember, everyone is different and the solutions they need are different. No one has all the answers. You can develop the answer suitable to you in conjunction with your helper. If your helper has exhausted all possible unsuccessful solutions, you might consider seeking help from elsewhere in the same method described above.
I hope this has been helpful. Feel free to write to me about your experiences, successful and unsuccessful ones.
This link provides some valuable numbers to help lines.
You might be thinking now: easier said than done. And it usually is. So how can you make yourself ask for help? I would recommend starting by
1) telling yourself that you need to ask for help. Stand in front of the mirror everyday when you wake up and before you go to bed and tell yourself that you need to ask for help…and believe it.
2) Then, start to look for the best source of help. There is so much information out there that it is hard sometimes to know what is right and what is wrong. Doing a little bit of research will give you an idea of who might have the proper answer. Perhaps a friend who has been in a similar situation, a guidance counselor or a family doctor. Once you know where to go, the easy part is done. Now to actually ask.
3) Consider writing down what you need help with. We think a lot more clearly when we are writing then when we say things. Responses and reactions from the other person isn’t there to distract us then. You can go back and edit things if you like. More likely than not, you will try to make it sound less serious than it is. That is fine, as long as you ASK for help.
4) Once it is written, there are a few ways to approach the actual delivery of the message. If you want to be brave, you can read it to them face to face, avoiding eye contact if it helps. Or perhaps record it in audio and send that. If not, there is always the email issue. Email has become an easy way to ask for help without being face to face with those who can help you unless you build trust.
Once the message delivery is done, you can breathe. In fact you should. This is about when the anxiety will kick in wondering how the person will react to what you have told them. And that’s okay. Just remember that the hardest part is already done. Don’t avoid them and don’t try to run away from them. If you start to think about running away, just take 6 deep breaths. Yes 6 is necessary. Deep inhale, hold for a few seconds, and deep exhale. Continue 5 more times. Once it is done, if you still feel like running away, by all means, run. But while running, pat yourself on the back for not running away from a socially awkward situation as soon as it occurs. Over time, you can increase the number if breaths to increase the length of time you spend in the situation and you will notice that you anxiety will slowly reduce.
Hopefully the one you asked for help will be able to help you, and if they are not, will usually refer you to someone who can. Don’t lose hope if it doesn’t work out the first time you get help. Remember, everyone is different and the solutions they need are different. No one has all the answers. You can develop the answer suitable to you in conjunction with your helper. If your helper has exhausted all possible unsuccessful solutions, you might consider seeking help from elsewhere in the same method described above.
I hope this has been helpful. Feel free to write to me about your experiences, successful and unsuccessful ones.
This link provides some valuable numbers to help lines.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
"Why ‘Thank You’ Is More Than Just Good Manners" by Jeremy Dean
I found this article very good and wanted to share it
According to positive psychologists, the words ‘thank you‘ are no longer just good manners, they are also beneficial to the self.
To take the best known examples, studies have suggested that being grateful can improve well-being, physical health, can strengthen social relationships, produce positive emotional states and help us cope with stressful times in our lives.
But we also say thank you because we want the other person to know we value what they’ve done for us and, maybe, encourage them to help us again in the future.
It’s this aspect of gratitude that Adam M. Grant and Francesco Gino examine in a series of new studies published recently in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (Grant & Gino, 2010).
They wanted to see what effect gratitude has on the person who is being thanked. Does it motivate and, if so, is it just by making people feel good, or is it more than that?
Double the help
In the first study 69 participants were asked to provide feedback to a fictitious student called ‘Eric’ on his cover letter for a job application. After sending their feedback through by email, they got a reply from Eric asking for more help with another cover letter.
The twist is that half of them got a thankful reply from Eric and the other half a neutral reply. The experimenters wanted to see what effect this would have on participant’s motivation to give Eric any more help.
As you might expect, those who were thanked by Eric were more willing to provide further assistance. Indeed the effect of ‘thank you’ was quite substantial: while only 32% of participants receiving the neutral email helped with the second letter, when Eric expressed his gratitude, this went up to 66%.
How gratitude works
The idea that saying thank you makes people more likely to help in the future is unsurprising, although the 100% increase is interesting, but what the researchers were interested in was why this happens.
Perhaps Eric’s gratitude made people feel better, or at least less bad? Or perhaps saying thanks boosted the helper’s self-esteem, which in turn motivated them to help again.
In fact the experimenters found that people weren’t providing more help because they felt better or it boosted their self-esteem, but because they appreciated being needed and felt more socially valued when they’d been thanked.
This feeling of social worth helps people get over factors that stop us helping. We are often unsure our help is really wanted and we know that accepting help from others can feel like a failure. The act of saying thank you reassures the helper that their help is valued and motivates them to provide more.
Pass it on
The researchers then wondered whether this effect would extend to other people. Would Eric’s thanks make participants more likely to help a different person?
In a second study Eric’s thanks (or lack of thanks in the control condition) was followed, a day later, by an email from ‘Steven’ asking for similar help. The percentage who offered to help Steven was 25% when they had received no gratitude from Eric, but this shot up to 55% when they had been thanked.
So the boost to participant’s social worth carried over from one day to the next and from one person to the next. Although the overall percentages were slightly lower, Eric’s gratitude still doubled the number of people willing to provide help.
In a third and fourth study the researchers tested their findings face-to-face rather than over email. They reached similar conclusions, with increases in prosocial behavior of 50% in the third study and 15% in the fourth study. These lower percentages show that the effect of gratitude on motivation depends on the situation.
Now, these studies mostly looked at the situation where strangers help each other. It’s likely that the effect of a thank you on prosocial behavior is more powerful on people we don’t know, because strangers are more cautious about helping each other in the first place.
Thank you!
Since, for most of us, expressing our thanks is an everyday occurrence, we tend to think nothing of it. But psychologically it has a very important role to play for both the person giving and the person receiving.
All four studies reveal that gratitude is more than just a social nicety, or a way of making the helper feel good; it reassures others their help was actually appreciated and it encourages further prosocial behavior.
So, a big public thank you to Adam M. Grant and Francesco Gino for this enlightening study, hopefully there’s more to follow.
According to positive psychologists, the words ‘thank you‘ are no longer just good manners, they are also beneficial to the self.
To take the best known examples, studies have suggested that being grateful can improve well-being, physical health, can strengthen social relationships, produce positive emotional states and help us cope with stressful times in our lives.
But we also say thank you because we want the other person to know we value what they’ve done for us and, maybe, encourage them to help us again in the future.
It’s this aspect of gratitude that Adam M. Grant and Francesco Gino examine in a series of new studies published recently in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (Grant & Gino, 2010).
They wanted to see what effect gratitude has on the person who is being thanked. Does it motivate and, if so, is it just by making people feel good, or is it more than that?
Double the help
In the first study 69 participants were asked to provide feedback to a fictitious student called ‘Eric’ on his cover letter for a job application. After sending their feedback through by email, they got a reply from Eric asking for more help with another cover letter.
The twist is that half of them got a thankful reply from Eric and the other half a neutral reply. The experimenters wanted to see what effect this would have on participant’s motivation to give Eric any more help.
As you might expect, those who were thanked by Eric were more willing to provide further assistance. Indeed the effect of ‘thank you’ was quite substantial: while only 32% of participants receiving the neutral email helped with the second letter, when Eric expressed his gratitude, this went up to 66%.
How gratitude works
The idea that saying thank you makes people more likely to help in the future is unsurprising, although the 100% increase is interesting, but what the researchers were interested in was why this happens.
Perhaps Eric’s gratitude made people feel better, or at least less bad? Or perhaps saying thanks boosted the helper’s self-esteem, which in turn motivated them to help again.
In fact the experimenters found that people weren’t providing more help because they felt better or it boosted their self-esteem, but because they appreciated being needed and felt more socially valued when they’d been thanked.
This feeling of social worth helps people get over factors that stop us helping. We are often unsure our help is really wanted and we know that accepting help from others can feel like a failure. The act of saying thank you reassures the helper that their help is valued and motivates them to provide more.
Pass it on
The researchers then wondered whether this effect would extend to other people. Would Eric’s thanks make participants more likely to help a different person?
In a second study Eric’s thanks (or lack of thanks in the control condition) was followed, a day later, by an email from ‘Steven’ asking for similar help. The percentage who offered to help Steven was 25% when they had received no gratitude from Eric, but this shot up to 55% when they had been thanked.
So the boost to participant’s social worth carried over from one day to the next and from one person to the next. Although the overall percentages were slightly lower, Eric’s gratitude still doubled the number of people willing to provide help.
In a third and fourth study the researchers tested their findings face-to-face rather than over email. They reached similar conclusions, with increases in prosocial behavior of 50% in the third study and 15% in the fourth study. These lower percentages show that the effect of gratitude on motivation depends on the situation.
Now, these studies mostly looked at the situation where strangers help each other. It’s likely that the effect of a thank you on prosocial behavior is more powerful on people we don’t know, because strangers are more cautious about helping each other in the first place.
Thank you!
Since, for most of us, expressing our thanks is an everyday occurrence, we tend to think nothing of it. But psychologically it has a very important role to play for both the person giving and the person receiving.
All four studies reveal that gratitude is more than just a social nicety, or a way of making the helper feel good; it reassures others their help was actually appreciated and it encourages further prosocial behavior.
So, a big public thank you to Adam M. Grant and Francesco Gino for this enlightening study, hopefully there’s more to follow.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
War and Death
I had a dream last night about war. Well it wasn't the kind of war like in Iraq or something. It wasn't with guns and bombs. It was hand on combat with ... I think pitchforks. I know it sounds funny now, most dreams do after you wake up. The other group..well I am not sure if they even had weapons. But there were a lot more of them. But we kept stabbing them and piling them in a corner of this arena we were at. There were only a hand full of us. But the reason for this blog is not to tell you about this ridiculous war. It's what happens after the war is over.
Our team won and people were all rejoicing in the glory of success. Then a sudden pain hit my very core with such violent force that I felt I could die. I started crying out loud and fell to my knees. It turns out, the pain was remorse. Remorse from seeing all the dead bodies lying on the ground all around me, looking up at me with mortal pain in their eyes. Some still had tears running down their faces. They were mostly women and they had blood running down their clothes. Oh the pain of seeing all this massacre! At least when you play video games and are on a killing spree, the bodies slowly disappear. But in reality they just stay there staring into blankness. With loud sobs I found myself slowly drifting back to wakefulness.
Then I thought to myself, how do real soldiers do it? How is it they go on day after day after seeing dieing faces? I admire them and also feel sorry for them to have to go through this.
Our team won and people were all rejoicing in the glory of success. Then a sudden pain hit my very core with such violent force that I felt I could die. I started crying out loud and fell to my knees. It turns out, the pain was remorse. Remorse from seeing all the dead bodies lying on the ground all around me, looking up at me with mortal pain in their eyes. Some still had tears running down their faces. They were mostly women and they had blood running down their clothes. Oh the pain of seeing all this massacre! At least when you play video games and are on a killing spree, the bodies slowly disappear. But in reality they just stay there staring into blankness. With loud sobs I found myself slowly drifting back to wakefulness.
Then I thought to myself, how do real soldiers do it? How is it they go on day after day after seeing dieing faces? I admire them and also feel sorry for them to have to go through this.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Preferences
Preferences are strange. We all have our unique preferences for things and they tend to persist over time. What made me think of this? Cutlery. Yes yes cutlery. I live in a house with 2 other roommates and have acquired different cutlery and other kitchen utensils over the years as different people leave and forget to take their own belongings. Since we all share out cutlery and kitchenware, they become part of the house when left behind by previous owners. But I have noticed that I persist to use the cutlery and other utensils that originally belonged to me. Even though the other glasses or forks work just as fine, I see myself sifting through the pile of forks just so I can use my original, run my hand through the shelf till I happen upon the glass that belongs to me, cross my gaze across the spoons till I see one that is mine. Not only is this strangeness unique to me, I have seen others do the same, all going after things that belong to them. I wonder why this is. Are we just unconsciously trying to stay away from others and keep our partitions separate or are we just acting out what we are used to?
Friday, September 10, 2010
What NOT to say to someone with Panic Disorder
This is an article that I found really good
Imagine this: you’re allergic to cats. You’ve just been exposed to cat dander and your eyes are a soggy, drippy red mess. You sneeze uncontrollably multiple times in a row. Your skin becomes itchy, red, and full of welts. You’re feeling pretty miserable.
A friend walks up to you.
“Hey, no worries,” he exclaims casually, “there’s nothing to be allergic to!”
Uh, what?
“Sure there is — I’m allergic to cats,” you’d probably say.
“Nah,” says your friend, “just stop sneezing. You’ll be okay.”
“What?! I can’t just STOP sneezing on a dime,” you retort.
“Sure you can. There’s nothing wrong with you,” he insists.
“Uhm, care to explain these welts, then? And the red eyes? And the sneezing?!”
Sounds frustrating, doesn’t it? If you suffer from allergies, you know that a reaction to an allergen can produce a truly miserable day. And while panic disorder is no allergy, it produces its own unique brand of misery, too.
And that misery can be compounded by how others react to a panic attack. Hopefully, no one would ever tell an allergy sufferer to “just stop sneezing” or to “make those welts go away.” It would be ineffective and frustrating advice.
However, as a panic sufferer myself, I’ve received a lot of ineffective and frustrating advice over the past few years. Most of it is delivered sincerely, with the absolute best of intentions, from people whom I care about. So, it often hurts to let these people know that their advice isn’t helping (and perhaps is even making the panic attack worse!). It’s not easy. If you haven’t yet developed a thick enough skin to ignore the below advice (I sure haven’t!), please share the below tips with family and friends who care about you.
This post was inspired by this list of things you shouldn’t say to someone who is depressed.
You say: “Just calm down.”
We want to say: “Okay, HOW!?”
Let’s pick this one apart piece by piece. “Just” implies that the act of calming down is a simple one. It’s not. For someone in the midst of panic, calming down can be an extraordinarily difficult task. For you, it might be effortless; for those of us with panic disorder, it might involve medication, breathing exercises, distraction, rituals, positive self-talk and reassurance, and/or time.
The “calm down” part is also problematic in and of itself. If you don’t have any tools, you can’t build a house, right? Unless you can construct some tools from thin air, you’re out of luck. Likewise, if we don’t have any tools or techniques (like the breathing exercises mentioned above) that can help us to become calmer, we can’t “build” anything. We can’t construct a ladder that will allow us to climb our way out of a panic attack. And, the added stress of being unable to comply with a “calm down” request might compound our anxiety.
Better response: Can I help you calm down? Is there anything I can do?
You say: “Why can’t you just relax?”
We want to say: “It’s a bit more complicated than you think!”
During a panic attack, the following physiological changes can occur:
* increased heart rate
* adrenaline rushes
* shortness of breath
* lightheadedness
* heart palpitations
* nausea
* trembling/shaking
* numbing or tingling in hands/feet
It’s like trying to relax while you’re being chased by a wild animal. Or while you’re frantically trying to find your way out of a burning building. Put simply, our panic-filled bodies aren’t capable of turning off the fight-or-flight impulse on cue. We’re not equipped with a switch. Even a steadfast resolve to relax will probably only incite further frustration over the fact that our body is going haywire.
True story: during my very first biofeedback session, the practitioner hooked me up to a computer that measures anxiety via skin conductance (read: sweat), hand temperature, heart rate, and breathing rate. As soon as she said, “Okay, now try to relax!”, my anxiety level (as measured objectively by a computer) surged upward. This is common!
Better response: I’m here for you. What can I do to help you relax?
You say: “There’s nothing wrong with you.”
We want to say: “Oh yeah? Then why does it feel like I’m going to have a (insert-severe medical-condition-here)?”
Classic line, often delivered by well-intentioned close friends, family, and significant others. Sometimes, this sentiment could be helpful — but only if we’re fretting over the “Is this just panic, or is it a heart attack or a stroke!?” question. Otherwise, it’s usually an unhelpful phrase that makes us want to yell, “Yes! There IS something wrong with me at the moment! I’m panicking, and it’s terrifyingly uncomfortable! THAT is what’s wrong!”
Better response: This must be uncomfortable. Can I do anything to make it better?
You say: “Sit down.”
We want to say: “But sitting down makes me more anxious!”
Usually, sitting down is a relaxing activity. We sit down to eat, to watch television, and to read a good book — and all of those events are generally agreeable and soothing. However, merely assuming a seated position isn’t going to act as a panacea.
The panic response sends a rush of adrenaline into our bloodstream that compels us to either fight or flee. It makes us feel like we need to be hypervigilant in order to ensure our survival. If you were really being chased by a wild animal, for example, sitting down would do you no good. That’s why the impulse to stand upright and stay alert is so strong. Leave this one up to the panicker: if we feel more comfortable sitting down, help us to find a safe spot. If we need to pace or go for a walk in order to calm down, let us.
You say: “You’re overreacting!”
We want to say: “Thanks, Captain Obvious.”
While it may be true that our body and mind are in overdrive, we often feel like we cannot control these reactions. In the midst of a rapid heartbeat, a cascading series of negative thoughts, and an intense urge to escape, having someone inform us that we’re overreacting is not helpful. We’re often aware that our body and mind are overreacting, but we may not yet possess the skills to disengage our frantic nervous system.
Better response: If you want, I’ll wait here with you until this passes.
Even though the above statements aren’t helpful to hear during a panic attack, some might be more appropriate after the threat of imminent panic has passed. If you know someone with panic disorder and want to be a great support person for them, check out this guide.
Imagine this: you’re allergic to cats. You’ve just been exposed to cat dander and your eyes are a soggy, drippy red mess. You sneeze uncontrollably multiple times in a row. Your skin becomes itchy, red, and full of welts. You’re feeling pretty miserable.
A friend walks up to you.
“Hey, no worries,” he exclaims casually, “there’s nothing to be allergic to!”
Uh, what?
“Sure there is — I’m allergic to cats,” you’d probably say.
“Nah,” says your friend, “just stop sneezing. You’ll be okay.”
“What?! I can’t just STOP sneezing on a dime,” you retort.
“Sure you can. There’s nothing wrong with you,” he insists.
“Uhm, care to explain these welts, then? And the red eyes? And the sneezing?!”
Sounds frustrating, doesn’t it? If you suffer from allergies, you know that a reaction to an allergen can produce a truly miserable day. And while panic disorder is no allergy, it produces its own unique brand of misery, too.
And that misery can be compounded by how others react to a panic attack. Hopefully, no one would ever tell an allergy sufferer to “just stop sneezing” or to “make those welts go away.” It would be ineffective and frustrating advice.
However, as a panic sufferer myself, I’ve received a lot of ineffective and frustrating advice over the past few years. Most of it is delivered sincerely, with the absolute best of intentions, from people whom I care about. So, it often hurts to let these people know that their advice isn’t helping (and perhaps is even making the panic attack worse!). It’s not easy. If you haven’t yet developed a thick enough skin to ignore the below advice (I sure haven’t!), please share the below tips with family and friends who care about you.
This post was inspired by this list of things you shouldn’t say to someone who is depressed.
You say: “Just calm down.”
We want to say: “Okay, HOW!?”
Let’s pick this one apart piece by piece. “Just” implies that the act of calming down is a simple one. It’s not. For someone in the midst of panic, calming down can be an extraordinarily difficult task. For you, it might be effortless; for those of us with panic disorder, it might involve medication, breathing exercises, distraction, rituals, positive self-talk and reassurance, and/or time.
The “calm down” part is also problematic in and of itself. If you don’t have any tools, you can’t build a house, right? Unless you can construct some tools from thin air, you’re out of luck. Likewise, if we don’t have any tools or techniques (like the breathing exercises mentioned above) that can help us to become calmer, we can’t “build” anything. We can’t construct a ladder that will allow us to climb our way out of a panic attack. And, the added stress of being unable to comply with a “calm down” request might compound our anxiety.
Better response: Can I help you calm down? Is there anything I can do?
You say: “Why can’t you just relax?”
We want to say: “It’s a bit more complicated than you think!”
During a panic attack, the following physiological changes can occur:
* increased heart rate
* adrenaline rushes
* shortness of breath
* lightheadedness
* heart palpitations
* nausea
* trembling/shaking
* numbing or tingling in hands/feet
It’s like trying to relax while you’re being chased by a wild animal. Or while you’re frantically trying to find your way out of a burning building. Put simply, our panic-filled bodies aren’t capable of turning off the fight-or-flight impulse on cue. We’re not equipped with a switch. Even a steadfast resolve to relax will probably only incite further frustration over the fact that our body is going haywire.
True story: during my very first biofeedback session, the practitioner hooked me up to a computer that measures anxiety via skin conductance (read: sweat), hand temperature, heart rate, and breathing rate. As soon as she said, “Okay, now try to relax!”, my anxiety level (as measured objectively by a computer) surged upward. This is common!
Better response: I’m here for you. What can I do to help you relax?
You say: “There’s nothing wrong with you.”
We want to say: “Oh yeah? Then why does it feel like I’m going to have a (insert-severe medical-condition-here)?”
Classic line, often delivered by well-intentioned close friends, family, and significant others. Sometimes, this sentiment could be helpful — but only if we’re fretting over the “Is this just panic, or is it a heart attack or a stroke!?” question. Otherwise, it’s usually an unhelpful phrase that makes us want to yell, “Yes! There IS something wrong with me at the moment! I’m panicking, and it’s terrifyingly uncomfortable! THAT is what’s wrong!”
Better response: This must be uncomfortable. Can I do anything to make it better?
You say: “Sit down.”
We want to say: “But sitting down makes me more anxious!”
Usually, sitting down is a relaxing activity. We sit down to eat, to watch television, and to read a good book — and all of those events are generally agreeable and soothing. However, merely assuming a seated position isn’t going to act as a panacea.
The panic response sends a rush of adrenaline into our bloodstream that compels us to either fight or flee. It makes us feel like we need to be hypervigilant in order to ensure our survival. If you were really being chased by a wild animal, for example, sitting down would do you no good. That’s why the impulse to stand upright and stay alert is so strong. Leave this one up to the panicker: if we feel more comfortable sitting down, help us to find a safe spot. If we need to pace or go for a walk in order to calm down, let us.
You say: “You’re overreacting!”
We want to say: “Thanks, Captain Obvious.”
While it may be true that our body and mind are in overdrive, we often feel like we cannot control these reactions. In the midst of a rapid heartbeat, a cascading series of negative thoughts, and an intense urge to escape, having someone inform us that we’re overreacting is not helpful. We’re often aware that our body and mind are overreacting, but we may not yet possess the skills to disengage our frantic nervous system.
Better response: If you want, I’ll wait here with you until this passes.
Even though the above statements aren’t helpful to hear during a panic attack, some might be more appropriate after the threat of imminent panic has passed. If you know someone with panic disorder and want to be a great support person for them, check out this guide.
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