The Myth Behind Drinking 8 Glasses of Water a Day | World of Psychology

The Myth Behind Drinking 8 Glasses of Water a Day | World of Psychology

The Myth Behind Drinking 8 Glasses of Water a Day

By JAMIE HALE

It’s common knowledge that we should drink at least eight glasses of water a day. Or at least many people think it’s common knowledge.
Heinz Valtin, a Dartmouth Medical School physician, disagrees.
In an invited review published by the American Journal of Physiology, Valtin reported that there is no supporting evidence to back up the popular recommendation to drink eight 8 oz. glasses of water per day.
How did the 8 X 8 myth start? Valtin thinks that the notion may have started in 1945 when the Food and Nutrition Board of the National Research Council recommended approximately “1 milliliter of water for each calorie of food,” which would amount to roughly 2 to 2.5 quarts per day (64 to 80 ounces).
In its next sentence the board stated, “[M]ost of this quantity is contained in prepared foods.” But that last sentence seems to have been missed, so that the recommendation was erroneously interpreted as how much water a person should drink each day.

You may be surprised to find out many foods are high in water content. Below I have provided an abbreviated chart that lists the water content of some popular foods (Hale, 2007; Hale, 2010). The water percentage of each food is listed after its name.
Water Content of Foods
Apples: 85
Apricots: 85
Bean sprouts: 92
Chicken, boiled: 71
Cucumbers, raw: 96
Eggplant, raw: 92
Grapes: 82
Lettuce, head: 96
Oranges: 86
Peaches, raw: 90
Peppers, green: 94
Potatoes, raw: 85
Strawberries, raw: 90
Turkey, roasted: 62
Watermelon: 93
(The information above was referenced from Survival Acres)
Caffeinated beverages and other drinks also should be counted toward daily water intake. University of Nebraska researcher Ann Grandjean and colleagues (Grandjean, 2000) conducted a study, published in the Journal of the American College of Nutrition, about the effects of caffeinated beverages on hydration. Grandjean and her colleagues used 18 healthy male adults for their subjects.
On four separate occasions, the subjects consumed water or water plus varying combinations of beverages. The beverages were carbonated, caffeinated, caloric, and noncaloric colas and coffee. Body weight, urine, and blood evaluations were performed before and after each treatment.
Grandjean found that there were no changes in the body weight, urine, or blood evaluations for the different beverages. The study found no significant differences in the effect of various combinations of beverages on the hydration status of healthy adult males. Grandjean concluded that advising people to disregard caffeinated beverages as part of their daily fluid intake is not supported by the results of her study.
She went on to say, “[T]he purpose of the study was to find out if caffeine was dehydrating in healthy people who are drinking normal amounts. It is not.” There seems to be a large number of people who hold onto the myth that caffeine causes dehydration, probably because that’s what they have always heard.
Under some circumstances, significant fluid intake — at least eight 8-ounce glasses — is advisable: for the treatment or prevention of kidney stones, for example, as well as under special circumstances, such as performing strenuous physical activity or enduring hot weather.
However, most people currently are drinking enough water and, in some cases, more than enough. There is potential harm in drinking too much water (Hale, 2010). Water intoxication, a life-threatening condition, can occur when one drinks excessive amounts of water.
Water intoxication occurs when the kidneys are unable to excrete enough water (as urine), which leads to dilution of blood sodium. Mental confusion and death can result.
The bottom line? Drink when you are thirsty, not because you believe you need to.
References
GrandJean, AC., Reimers, KJ., Bannick, KE., Haven, MA. & Haven, MC. (2000). The effect of caffeinated, non-caffeinated, caloric and non-caloric beverages on hydration. Journal of the American College of Nutrition 19 (5):591-600.
Hale, J. (2007). Knowledge and Nonsense: The Science of Nutrition and Exercise. Winchester, KY: MaxCondition Publishing.
Hale, J. (2010). Should I Eat the Yolk? Separating Facts From Fiction To Get You Lean, Fit And Healthy. Berkeley, CA: Ulysses Press.
http://www.snopes.com/medical/myths/8glasses.asp
[accessed December 3, 2010]
http://survivalacres.com/information/water_content.html
[accessed December 3, 2010]

Jamie Hale is a science writer, exercise & nutrition consultant, outdoor enthusiast, scientific data researcher, lecturer and founder of Knowledge Summit Research Group
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» petite-productivity :mnmlist

» petite-productivity :mnmlist

mnmlist: petite-productivity

There exists in France a small company called Teddyfish that makes bags by hand.

Their philosophy of production is beautiful:

“We believe in ‘petite-production’, which means the willingness to work on slower rhythm and scale. Through creating and hand-making by ourselves, we are aiming to flavor our products with the warmth of the craftsmen’s hands, instead of the gasoline from the machine.”

Imagine if our world of mass-production was turned into a world of petite-production. People would hand-make clothing bicycles furniture food.

We would produce less and consume less. Things would cost more but people would make more for their labor.

We would love our work more. Produce quality things that last. Love our lives more. Call it Anti-Walmartization.

Slow down make less do it better be happier.

Does the GRE Measure Anything Related to Graduate School? | World of Psychology

Does the GRE Measure Anything Related to Graduate School? | World of Psychology

Does the GRE Measure Anything Related to Graduate School?

By JAMIE HALE

The Graduate Record Examination, or GRE, is required for admission to many graduate schools around the country. The computerized test includes verbal, quantitative and analytical writing sections. The test was designed to predict success in graduate school.
The research, however, does not support the idea that a high GRE score will predict graduate school success.
Sternberg & Williams (1997) conducted a study to investigate how well GRE scores predicted graduate students’ success. Forty psychology faculty members at Yale were asked to rate graduate students’ abilities on five scales: analytical, creative, practical, research and teaching. The researchers also looked at first- and second-year student’s grade point averages, and overall evaluations of dissertations made by independent, outside raters.

Sternberg & Williams found GRE scores were only modest predictors of first year grades but not second year grades. When looking further at the GRE subtests, they found only the analytical test score successfully predicted more consequential evaluations of student performance. But this was true for men only.
According to data from the Educational Testing Service (ETS), the test’s manufacturer, the GRE is a weak predictor of first year graduate school grades (Fairtest.org, 2007). A study conducted by Morrison, T. & Morrison, M. (1995) found an even weaker relationship between test scores and grades — GRE scores predicted a mere 6 percent of the variation in grades.
Many schools have minimal GRE requirements. If applicants do not meet these requirements they will not be admitted to graduate school, even if they had excellent undergraduate grades, an impressive resume and stellar recommendations.
Some colleges receive hundreds of applications each semester. It becomes a daunting task to conduct hundreds of interviews or review hundreds of applications. Many of the applicants have high grade point averages, and equally impressive letters of recommendation, thus making it practical to turn to the only other quantitative source of information — the GRE — that administrators have (Williams, 1997).
But if that quantitative source doesn’t really predict or have much of an association with what people think it does — graduate school academic performance — is it really a valid source of information to turn to?
References
Cornell Science News (1997). Study of Graduate Record Exam shows it does little to predict graduate school success.http://www.news.cornell.edu/releases/Aug97/GRE.study.ssl.html[accessed Dec. 5, 2010]
Enright, M. K. & Gitorner, D. (1989). Toward a description of successful graduate students. Princeton, NJ: Educational Testing Service.
Fairtest.org (2007). Examining the GRE: Myths, Misuses, and Alternatives [accessed Dec. 5, 2010]
Milner, M., McNeil, J. & King, S.W. (1984). The GRE: A Question of Validity in Predicting Performance in Professional Schools of Social Work. Educational and Psychological Measurement, vol. 44, pp. 945-950.
Morrison, T. & Morrison, M. (1995). A Meta-Analytic Assessment of the Predictive Validity of the Quantitative and Verbal Components of the Graduate Record Examination with Graduate Grade Point Averages Representing the Criterion of Graduate Success. Educational and Psychological Measurement, v. 55 (no. 2) pp. 309-316.
Sternberg, R. & Williams, W. (1997). Does the Graduate Record Examination Predict Meaningful Success in the Graduate Training of Psychologists? American Psychologist, v. 52 (no. 6), pp. 630-641.
Williams, W. (1997). Reliance on Test Scores Is a Conspiracy of Lethary. The Chronicle of Higher Education.

Jamie Hale is a science writer, exercise & nutrition consultant, outdoor enthusiast, scientific data researcher, lecturer and founder of Knowledge Summit Research Group
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How clean do we need to be?

I've often thought about how I grew up without showering everyday. I don't remember that being the necessity. We had to shower once every couple of days but not everyday. But now I think, why do we need to shower everyday? Of course it is nice to feel nice and fresh and not feel like a pig just because you skipped the shower in the morning because you were running late. But honestly, if you haven't been working out or profusely sweating or fell into a muddy ditch, what is the purpose of showers every day? As long as you keep yourself clean, how you do it should not matter.

We apparently use about 10 liters of water for every minute of shower. That's a huge amount of water to spend everyday to clean on dirt that isn't even there. Then there is the added cost to heat your water, plus the cost of cleaning that water in the plants for future use, plus the actual cost of getting that water to you. Not to mention water tax and the impact on the environment with all those steps. Is it really worth it?

Here is some math I will attempt to do...

water used per 10 minute long shower = 100 liters
Number of showers in a month = 30
Total water used in a month = 3000 liters

Even though it uses US information, this site tells us that each shower could cost us over $2. Considering rate differences, lets assume it costs $2.50 in Canada per shower. That is $75 per person per month! If you have a 3 person household, as in my house, it could cost $225 just to shower everyone in the house in a month! This doesn't even include your other electricity usage like washer/dryer, fridge, lights, computers.

If people reduced their number of showers from 30 a month to even 20 per month, that could lead to a $75 savings in the monthly electric bill in a 3 person household. That is a $900 saving in a year!!!!!

Can you imagine that???

So I say: Limit showers..in numbers and in duration. And hey, share if you can :) Help the environment and your wallet.

Why are some people incapable of understanding hints, no matter how unsubtle?

I grew up in a family where manners were very important and had to be followed ALL THE TIME. Consequently, I became very aware of my behaviour when I am around people. This included how I spoke to them, how I reacted to things they told me, and how I expressed my opinions, good or bad. I was taught that it is bad manners to interrupt someone when they are speaking, to tell people they are wrong unless you have a reason that explains your opinion and to put them on the spot about something they might not want to be involved with. I grew up around people who seemed to have been taught similar social rules and morals, so obviously i grew to understand that everyone is on the same page about these things. No one needs to be told to eat with their mouth closed or knock before entering someone else's room (not necessarily the case for family members) or keep your mouth shut all you have to say demeans the person you are speaking to. But it turns out not everyone has grown up with these normal social etiquettes. This is perhaps unfortunate but not surprising since there are different social rules all over the world.

What is unfortunate is when you are in a situation where someone breaks socials rules that you are used to following. How to you respond to someone who either doesn't know certain rules or just doesn't seem to care about them? It is hard for me to say something rude to someone's face. But what happens when someone else says something clearly rude to you? It is likely to bring your defensive wall up...because it is normal. But there is also the social rule that stops you from saying something rude back. So there is a conflict in your head. Do you respond to put them in their place or do you try to calm yourself and let it glaze over you? I don't have the answer to that but I would love to find out.

In my experience, even when I have tried to subtly let the person know that their actions are making me uncomfortable, they don't understand. Not sure if it is because they don't care or they just don't get the hint. So my practice has been usually to keep quite and let it move on. If it is something serious I might try to deal with it at a later time, after my defensiveness has subsided. Usually when we are defensive, we don't think clearly and are likely to react somewhat irrationally.

If anyone has interesting stories that explains their unusual situations, please feel free to share it :)

Not a pet peeve, but annoyance

Line up etiquette

Sometimes, I'll be in line to get my afternoon coffee at Tim Hortons and the person behind me seems to think I am not there. Either that or they really like how I smell. But basically they seem to have no sense of personal space, their own or mine. I can almost feel these people breathing down my neck and it is very disconcerting. I can't even turn to look to my side without bumping into them. What is the purpose of this? Whether they stand 5 cm from me or 2 feet away, they will not get served any earlier. Nor will someone else take their spot unless they are standing somewhere completely different. Why do people do this? What happened to respecting someone's bubble?

Floss Floss Floss

I am not entirely sure why I am blogging about this but it was something I wanted to write about. Flossing. Here is a poem:

Floss Floss Floss your teeth
Gently between grooves
Merrily merrily merrily merrily
Life will be a hoot!

You know how people don't believe in something unless they experience it themselves or it happens to them? Well flossing is that something for me. I was never a big flosser. Not something I grew up with. When I did learn about it, I guess I didn't really understand how food would get between our teeth. Surely our teeth are set so that such a thing doesn't happen.

But recently I've been getting some dental work done and I have gotten in the habit of flossing. In fact I floss about 2 or 3 times a day now. Why? I have seen the light. Once I started flossing, I noticed what menaces lay between those hard food mashers. Every time I floss, I noticed things in there. And I imagine...these are the things that remain between out teeth and let those pesky bacteria eat away at our tooth leading to cavities. We all know how cavity forms. But flossing has made me realize how real this eminent threat is.

So, I implore everyone to practice good oral hygiene and floss!!! For the love of a good smile...FLOSS!!!!!!!!!

What not to say to a depressed person by THERESE J. BORCHARD

This is an article I came across and I had to share it. I am always on the look out for articles that talk about what NOT to do. Many people do exactly what they shouldn't be doing in many circumstances. I like to learn to avoid these situations myself. Read on this article:

1. Snap out of it!

Your loved one hasn’t left the house in what seems like days. Should you tell him to pull himself up by his bootstraps and just snap out of it?

Don’t say it.

You may be tempted to tell someone who’s depressed to stop moping around and just shake it off. But depression is not something patients can turn on and off, and they’re not able to respond to such pleas. Instead, tell your loved one that you’re available to help them in any way you can.


2. What do you have to be depressed about?

In a world full of wars, hunger, poverty, abuse, and other ills, you may feel impatient when someone you love feels depressed. So do you remind him how lucky he is?

Don’t say it.

You can’t argue someone out of feeling depressed, but you can help by acknowledging that you’re aware of his pain. Try saying something like “I’m sorry that you’re feeling so bad.”

3. Why don’t you go for a nice walk?

Exercise is a known way to lift your mood. Is it a good idea to suggest that your loved one with depression go out and enjoy some fresh air and activity?

Say it — but with a caveat.

By definition, depression keeps you from wanting to engage in everyday activities. But you can show your support by offering to take a walk, go to a movie, or do some other activity with your loved one. How about: “I know you don’t feel like going out, but let’s go together.”

4. It’s all in your head.

Some people believe that depression is an imaginary disease and that it’s possible to think yourself into feeling depressed and down. Should you tell your loved one that depression is just a state of mind — and if she really wanted to, she could lift her mood with positive thoughts?

Don’t say it.

Suggesting that depression is imagined is neither constructive nor accurate. Although depression can’t be “seen” from the outside, it is a real medical condition and can’t be thought or wished away. Try saying instead: “I know that you have a real illness that’s causing you to feel this way.”

5. Seeing a therapist is probably a good idea.

You think your loved one could benefit from talking to a mental health professional. Should you say so?

Say it.

Reinforcing the benefits of treatment is important. Encourage the idea of getting professional help if that step hasn’t yet been taken. This is especially important if your loved one has withdrawn so much that she is not saying anything. Try telling her, “You will get better with the right help.” Suggest alternatives if you don’t see any improvement from the initial treatment in about six to eight weeks.

For other suggestions on what to say and what not to say, check out Everyday Health’s post.

Also, see our list of the worst things to say to someone who’s depressed.

[Strapya World Presents] Doughnut To-Go!!!!!!

This is the worst invention ever! Unitasker, as the unclutter blog puts it

Prozac Nation

I recently watched Prozac Nation (2001), a movie about a young girl battling depression. Christina Ricci plays Elizabeth, a first year Harvard student who has been showing signs of depression all her life. At Harvard, she slowly spirals out of control, pushing everyone away. The movie resonated very well with me since mental illness really interests me. The movie nicely displays all the dysfunctional thoughts going through her head and the audience is able to see her condition progress. I definitely recommend this movie to anyone interested in the issue of depression.

To Cheat or Not To Cheat

I was justing watching an episode of "King of Queens" and it was about what constitutes cheating. It reminded me of a few conversations I've had in the past with friends on this topic. What exactly constitutes cheating? Is it only sex that is considered cheating? What about emotional attachment with someone who is not your partner; like when someone feels they can share with someone more things than their spouse. What about when they sneak around and meet in clandestine locations and lie about it to their significant other? Even if no sex is involved, do these actions reach the level of being considered unfaithful?

People involved in these situations may feel that these are perfectly normal and not wrong. They could say things like, "well they are a good friend and I can open up to them" or "my wife isn't interested in the things me and her talk about" or "My husband is only interested in sex, my friend actually cares about my opinions".

I think it is one of those topics that everyone has an opinion on and not everyone agrees on. I want to know everyone reading this blog feel. I feel that sex or no sex, if you are hanging out with someone you don't want your partner to know about because you are worried about their reaction, it is cheating. A relationship is not just a physical commitment to one another, it is about communication and trust and sharing of each others lives. If full and complete sharing is not there, there is something wrong.

I am adding a poll to my blog to see what everyone else thinks of and I am hoping people will weigh in on this topic in the comments section

Organizing digital files

If you are like me, you have a huge amount of files sitting around in your computer. When you need something specific, more likely than not, you hope you have saved it with a name that you remember and can search for. But many times this doesn't happen and over years, you have way too many files that don't belong wherever you have them stored. I follow a few of the blogs from the quick and dirty family. One of them I was recently listening to, get-it-done-guy talked about how to organize your electronic files to make them easier to find. I loved his suggestion and have started to use it myself.

I am currently working on my Psychology Honours Thesis and I have been numbering all the journal articles and saving them in my thesis folder. But now I have a better way of doing this. Not only are all these files in one folder, the pdf journal articles all have the name Honours01, honours02, etc. It is 01, because if you just put 1, then you will find Honours1 and Honours10 next to each other. Adding the 0 avoids this complication.

Another thing I am doing is, working on a word document where are note down all the ideas I get from the papers. I write the number if the paper, then have intro, hypothesis, methods, results, conclusion, limitations sections and IN MY OWN WORDS, and in bullet points, write down what each paper is about. Each different day I work on it, I save the file with the date. But using get-it-done-guy's technique, I have started a new format. Honours_Proposal_2010_09_15.doc for example. This way, if I look for the files, they are sorted in chronological order.

I am hoping this will be helpful to me in the long run.

Thank you get-it-done-guy. Please read the blog I've linked. It is quite useful

New Blog Suggestion

I follow a number of blogs and I have decided that every once in a while I will suggest a new blog for my tremendously small amount of readers :)

My first suggestion is by Dr. Yapko, who talks about managing depression. The blog is not just for those experiencing depression but also those around them. Understanding depression is very important for all of us since almost 8% of all adults will experience depression at some point in their lives.

Hope you like it

Who needs a new friend when I have myself?

Humans are social creatures. We need to have people around us. Some people need to be surrounded by others all the time, whereas others need them only some of the time. But we all need people. It is just how society is formed. Very few people can be self sustaining; especially in a modern world. There are people working in stores we go to buy things, people at our work, people living around us, people who come on TV, people who put things up on the internet, people who write books, people who you “friend” on social networking sites. People everywhere. One of the most important things we need people for though is emotional support. This is where friends come in. Friends are people who fulfill a certain intangible need in our lives. Need to be able to trust and rely on someone, need to be able to share and laugh and have fun. Where do we come across these friends?

We chose them of course. We make friends when we go to school, the person who shares their lunch with us, who stands up for us when the bully comes, who helps you with homework. Then we grow up and go to college and our friends become people we see often, brought together either because of a similar interest or course. These are times when making friends come easier. There are people around us and we can choose those that best fit our lives.

What happens when we are out of school and move somewhere new? We don’t have classes since we work. And let’s face it, we don’t all end up with awesome co workers we can call friends. Perhaps we feel like they might rat on us the minute we say something personal or we may feel like they are just spying on you because they want the corner office just as much as you do. What do we do then?

For some people, meeting new people comes naturally and changing the relationship from strangers to acquaintances to friends is a simple transition. But for most people, meeting new people in a new, or even an old place, is a daunting task. This post is for those people. How do we manage to make new friends when we have been thrown away from the atmosphere or making new friends?

1) Look: The most crucial point is to actually WANT to make new friends. If you are in a new place, you NEED people to help you make the place home. And for that to happen, you need friends. So be on the lookout for people who could potentially become good friends. Perhaps someone at work seems to have the same sense of humour as you and works in the same area as you in the office. Strike up a conversation about work but move to non work related things. Perhaps something like:

You: man, I really wanted to get the report done this weekend but I wasn’t able to because (something you may have done on the weekend).
Co worker: Oh yea, what did you do?
You: I tried (something clever and fun) for the first time but it was a disaster. What do you guys do around here on weekends?
Co worker: (some other things)

And the conversation flows. Depending on what they say, you will be able to decide whether those are things you want to be doing. If not, you’ve had a good conversation but perhaps they will not make the cut of friend. If, on the other hand, they tell you about things you want to be doing yourself, ask them more questions about it and eventually they will either invite you to join them or give you information on how you can get involved in them yourself. Always accept the invitation if you are interested in the activity. Don’t worry about not knowing them well enough. If it is an activity that involves a lot of people and you are not comfortable with that, than obviously this is not the activity for you.

Some fun activities to do when you move to a new place involve hiking, taking walking tours, trying out well known restaurants, getting on the bus and just seeing where it goes (but make sure you know how to get back). If someone tells you of a fun place to go, ask them if they would be willing to show you around that place.

Coffee shops are good places to meet new people because they usually have the same people trafficking through during the day. You have to be careful when approaching people in coffee shops though. They might think you are coming on to them when you just want to be friends. Also, some people might not want to talk to anyone while they have their coffee. Take a quick look around; if the place is busy, find someone who looks friendly. Ask if you can share the table because all other tables are taken. If they reading a book, you could ask them if the book is good, and what it is about. If you’ve noticed they usually go there same time as you, you can say something like, “I’ve noticed you are here around the same time I am every day. Is this close to where you work, or on your way to work?” and let the conversation flow from there. Or compliment a specific beverage sold in that shop and ask if they’ve tried it.

Another good place to meet new people is in the subway. Although, because subways are so crowded, and people are usually in such a hurry, not everyone wants to talk. You could try and strike up a conversation with the person next to you if you think they are friendly enough. If they’ve looked at you and given you a smile, that’s usually a good indication they won’t slap you if you try to talk to them. You can make a statement about how noisy the ride is or how crazy busy the subway is. You can also add something like, I am so not used to this city yet. They will most likely ask where you are from, and a conversation can go on from there. If this person travels at the same time as you, next time you see them, you can say hi and they will most likely recognize you and say hi. Over time, you can slowly start talking about different things on your way to work. It never needs to go beyond your subway friendship if you feel that it would make them feel uncomfortable if you asked. But if, after a few conversations, it seems like this person can be a friend, you can tell them to join you for something fun you are doing. Usually they will say no if you are inviting them to your house, but perhaps if you invite them to a place they know, perhaps a festival or something, where it’s a public place, you have a better chance of getting a yes.

Another place to meet new people is by joining groups. There is a group for just about anything, especially in big cities. My friend Steve told me about www.meetup.com which is a site that gets people together. Check some other sites such as these and find likeminded people. Not only are you likely to meet people who enjoy the same thing as you, the fact that you are all taking the time to meet shows that they are open to meeting new people as well. When you are in such a group, be brave and speak up. People notice those people with voices and are more likely to come up and talk to them at the end of the talk.

2) Put in the effort: Now that you have made a few connections, the next step is to graduate these people to the friend status. How do you do this? By putting effort into this newly formed relationship. You have to try and make time to meet with this person and spend time getting to know one another. You can never be friends with a stranger, no unless you’ve spent enough time getting to know the stranger; in which case they are no longer a stranger. Never assume the other person needs to put in work too. They may not need a new friend and may not be looking for a new friend. So it is up to you to make the effort and pursue their friendship. I know it sounds stalkerish, but it’s necessary. Ask them to do things with you, invite them along if you are going somewhere new, nourish the relationship. Contact them often. This will help you get to know them better and vice versa.

3) Accept or move on: It might turn out that the person you decided to make your friend, isn’t who you thought they were and you no longer enjoy their company. You have to learn to accept them for who they are. You can’t change them and mould them into someone you enjoy spending time with. Don’t be bitter towards them for being them. Learn to love them the way they are or move on. You can chose to stop giving into this new formed relationship if you are not getting anything out of it. It sounds selfish, and perhaps it is. But you are not enjoying yourself when you are around them, perhaps it is impacting the amount of fun they can have as well. By keeping a stale friendship going, you are taking away from possibilities of making new connections from both of you. It is perhaps better to reduce the time you spend with them and go looking for more friends. I do not recommend this for people known a while. This is more for people who are still in the acquainting phase. Last thing you want to do is hurt your friends’ feelings.

So there, sorry this has been a long post, but I hope this can help some people out there who find themselves in a new place and are struggling to make new connections.

I am also adding a list I found on another site that I thought had some good ideas about places to meet new people and picked my favorite ones to add here:

1)Join a health club: solves two problems; you'll become less of a couch potato and more fit.

2)Take a class, any class: again a two in one tactic; you'll learn something new and make new friends with similar interests.

3)Play a Sport.

4)Join a Book Club

5)Volunteer: Help build houses for Habitat for Humanity; give out beverages at marathons, or join one of the many volunteer organizations.

6)Have a Party: Invite your friends and have them invite two friends and so on and so on.

7)Learn a craft: take craft classes at your local community center.

8)Get a Dog and Walk Everywhere: go to parks and the beach with your dog. Dogs are great people meeters!

9)Go to every Party you are invited to: even if you don't want to go...go. You never know who you'll meet.

10)Go to seminars: lots of people go to seminars alone; great place to start a conversation.

11)Take a yoga, Tai Chi class

12)Talk to everyone, everywhere

Different Hellos

Have you ever noticed that when people are talking on the phone, if for some reason the person on the other side doesn't respond, they will say hello, and then keep saying hello using different frequencies, like hellooooooo, heeelloooooo. As if changing the way they say hello will make the other person respond.

Asking for Help

Have you ever been in a spot where you needed help for something but weren’t sure if you should ask for help? Were you worried that someone would judge you for asking the question and then would laugh at you and wouldn’t actually help? I think we’ve all been there. But has there been a time when you were worried about all those things but asked for help anyway because you really needed to? Have you been pleasantly surprised with an understanding face and a helpful non-ridiculing hand? I feel that if you think hard enough, you will answer yes to that question as well, for at least one occasion. This is because, for a lot of the time, that fear is internal and not based on facts. It’s based on feelings. Feelings of confusion and mistrust and self consciousness. These feelings might be stopping you from asking the questions you need answered and preventing you from going where you can go. These feelings are very common so don’t feel like you are alone in thinking this way. Just know that there is help out there…for everything. All you need to do is hold your hand out and find what you need. It will not come to you. You might find that those providing you help are more like you than you think. Asking for help is the right of everyone and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. If anyone stops you from getting help, get them away from you. They are only making your life harder, no matter how much you think you need them.

You might be thinking now: easier said than done. And it usually is. So how can you make yourself ask for help? I would recommend starting by
1) telling yourself that you need to ask for help. Stand in front of the mirror everyday when you wake up and before you go to bed and tell yourself that you need to ask for help…and believe it.
2) Then, start to look for the best source of help. There is so much information out there that it is hard sometimes to know what is right and what is wrong. Doing a little bit of research will give you an idea of who might have the proper answer. Perhaps a friend who has been in a similar situation, a guidance counselor or a family doctor. Once you know where to go, the easy part is done. Now to actually ask.
3) Consider writing down what you need help with. We think a lot more clearly when we are writing then when we say things. Responses and reactions from the other person isn’t there to distract us then. You can go back and edit things if you like. More likely than not, you will try to make it sound less serious than it is. That is fine, as long as you ASK for help.
4) Once it is written, there are a few ways to approach the actual delivery of the message. If you want to be brave, you can read it to them face to face, avoiding eye contact if it helps. Or perhaps record it in audio and send that. If not, there is always the email issue. Email has become an easy way to ask for help without being face to face with those who can help you unless you build trust.

Once the message delivery is done, you can breathe. In fact you should. This is about when the anxiety will kick in wondering how the person will react to what you have told them. And that’s okay. Just remember that the hardest part is already done. Don’t avoid them and don’t try to run away from them. If you start to think about running away, just take 6 deep breaths. Yes 6 is necessary. Deep inhale, hold for a few seconds, and deep exhale. Continue 5 more times. Once it is done, if you still feel like running away, by all means, run. But while running, pat yourself on the back for not running away from a socially awkward situation as soon as it occurs. Over time, you can increase the number if breaths to increase the length of time you spend in the situation and you will notice that you anxiety will slowly reduce.

Hopefully the one you asked for help will be able to help you, and if they are not, will usually refer you to someone who can. Don’t lose hope if it doesn’t work out the first time you get help. Remember, everyone is different and the solutions they need are different. No one has all the answers. You can develop the answer suitable to you in conjunction with your helper. If your helper has exhausted all possible unsuccessful solutions, you might consider seeking help from elsewhere in the same method described above.

I hope this has been helpful. Feel free to write to me about your experiences, successful and unsuccessful ones.

This link provides some valuable numbers to help lines.

"Why ‘Thank You’ Is More Than Just Good Manners" by Jeremy Dean

I found this article very good and wanted to share it


According to positive psychologists, the words ‘thank you‘ are no longer just good manners, they are also beneficial to the self.

To take the best known examples, studies have suggested that being grateful can improve well-being, physical health, can strengthen social relationships, produce positive emotional states and help us cope with stressful times in our lives.

But we also say thank you because we want the other person to know we value what they’ve done for us and, maybe, encourage them to help us again in the future.

It’s this aspect of gratitude that Adam M. Grant and Francesco Gino examine in a series of new studies published recently in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (Grant & Gino, 2010).

They wanted to see what effect gratitude has on the person who is being thanked. Does it motivate and, if so, is it just by making people feel good, or is it more than that?


Double the help
In the first study 69 participants were asked to provide feedback to a fictitious student called ‘Eric’ on his cover letter for a job application. After sending their feedback through by email, they got a reply from Eric asking for more help with another cover letter.

The twist is that half of them got a thankful reply from Eric and the other half a neutral reply. The experimenters wanted to see what effect this would have on participant’s motivation to give Eric any more help.

As you might expect, those who were thanked by Eric were more willing to provide further assistance. Indeed the effect of ‘thank you’ was quite substantial: while only 32% of participants receiving the neutral email helped with the second letter, when Eric expressed his gratitude, this went up to 66%.

How gratitude works
The idea that saying thank you makes people more likely to help in the future is unsurprising, although the 100% increase is interesting, but what the researchers were interested in was why this happens.

Perhaps Eric’s gratitude made people feel better, or at least less bad? Or perhaps saying thanks boosted the helper’s self-esteem, which in turn motivated them to help again.

In fact the experimenters found that people weren’t providing more help because they felt better or it boosted their self-esteem, but because they appreciated being needed and felt more socially valued when they’d been thanked.

This feeling of social worth helps people get over factors that stop us helping. We are often unsure our help is really wanted and we know that accepting help from others can feel like a failure. The act of saying thank you reassures the helper that their help is valued and motivates them to provide more.

Pass it on
The researchers then wondered whether this effect would extend to other people. Would Eric’s thanks make participants more likely to help a different person?

In a second study Eric’s thanks (or lack of thanks in the control condition) was followed, a day later, by an email from ‘Steven’ asking for similar help. The percentage who offered to help Steven was 25% when they had received no gratitude from Eric, but this shot up to 55% when they had been thanked.

So the boost to participant’s social worth carried over from one day to the next and from one person to the next. Although the overall percentages were slightly lower, Eric’s gratitude still doubled the number of people willing to provide help.

In a third and fourth study the researchers tested their findings face-to-face rather than over email. They reached similar conclusions, with increases in prosocial behavior of 50% in the third study and 15% in the fourth study. These lower percentages show that the effect of gratitude on motivation depends on the situation.

Now, these studies mostly looked at the situation where strangers help each other. It’s likely that the effect of a thank you on prosocial behavior is more powerful on people we don’t know, because strangers are more cautious about helping each other in the first place.

Thank you!
Since, for most of us, expressing our thanks is an everyday occurrence, we tend to think nothing of it. But psychologically it has a very important role to play for both the person giving and the person receiving.

All four studies reveal that gratitude is more than just a social nicety, or a way of making the helper feel good; it reassures others their help was actually appreciated and it encourages further prosocial behavior.

So, a big public thank you to Adam M. Grant and Francesco Gino for this enlightening study, hopefully there’s more to follow.

War and Death

I had a dream last night about war. Well it wasn't the kind of war like in Iraq or something. It wasn't with guns and bombs. It was hand on combat with ... I think pitchforks. I know it sounds funny now, most dreams do after you wake up. The other group..well I am not sure if they even had weapons. But there were a lot more of them. But we kept stabbing them and piling them in a corner of this arena we were at. There were only a hand full of us. But the reason for this blog is not to tell you about this ridiculous war. It's what happens after the war is over.

Our team won and people were all rejoicing in the glory of success. Then a sudden pain hit my very core with such violent force that I felt I could die. I started crying out loud and fell to my knees. It turns out, the pain was remorse. Remorse from seeing all the dead bodies lying on the ground all around me, looking up at me with mortal pain in their eyes. Some still had tears running down their faces. They were mostly women and they had blood running down their clothes. Oh the pain of seeing all this massacre! At least when you play video games and are on a killing spree, the bodies slowly disappear. But in reality they just stay there staring into blankness. With loud sobs I found myself slowly drifting back to wakefulness.

Then I thought to myself, how do real soldiers do it? How is it they go on day after day after seeing dieing faces? I admire them and also feel sorry for them to have to go through this.

Preferences

Preferences are strange. We all have our unique preferences for things and they tend to persist over time. What made me think of this? Cutlery. Yes yes cutlery. I live in a house with 2 other roommates and have acquired different cutlery and other kitchen utensils over the years as different people leave and forget to take their own belongings. Since we all share out cutlery and kitchenware, they become part of the house when left behind by previous owners. But I have noticed that I persist to use the cutlery and other utensils that originally belonged to me. Even though the other glasses or forks work just as fine, I see myself sifting through the pile of forks just so I can use my original, run my hand through the shelf till I happen upon the glass that belongs to me, cross my gaze across the spoons till I see one that is mine. Not only is this strangeness unique to me, I have seen others do the same, all going after things that belong to them. I wonder why this is. Are we just unconsciously trying to stay away from others and keep our partitions separate or are we just acting out what we are used to?

What NOT to say to someone with Panic Disorder

This is an article that I found really good

Imagine this: you’re allergic to cats. You’ve just been exposed to cat dander and your eyes are a soggy, drippy red mess. You sneeze uncontrollably multiple times in a row. Your skin becomes itchy, red, and full of welts. You’re feeling pretty miserable.

A friend walks up to you.

“Hey, no worries,” he exclaims casually, “there’s nothing to be allergic to!”

Uh, what?

“Sure there is — I’m allergic to cats,” you’d probably say.

“Nah,” says your friend, “just stop sneezing. You’ll be okay.”

“What?! I can’t just STOP sneezing on a dime,” you retort.

“Sure you can. There’s nothing wrong with you,” he insists.

“Uhm, care to explain these welts, then? And the red eyes? And the sneezing?!”

Sounds frustrating, doesn’t it? If you suffer from allergies, you know that a reaction to an allergen can produce a truly miserable day. And while panic disorder is no allergy, it produces its own unique brand of misery, too.

And that misery can be compounded by how others react to a panic attack. Hopefully, no one would ever tell an allergy sufferer to “just stop sneezing” or to “make those welts go away.” It would be ineffective and frustrating advice.

However, as a panic sufferer myself, I’ve received a lot of ineffective and frustrating advice over the past few years. Most of it is delivered sincerely, with the absolute best of intentions, from people whom I care about. So, it often hurts to let these people know that their advice isn’t helping (and perhaps is even making the panic attack worse!). It’s not easy. If you haven’t yet developed a thick enough skin to ignore the below advice (I sure haven’t!), please share the below tips with family and friends who care about you.

This post was inspired by this list of things you shouldn’t say to someone who is depressed.

You say: “Just calm down.”
We want to say: “Okay, HOW!?”

Let’s pick this one apart piece by piece. “Just” implies that the act of calming down is a simple one. It’s not. For someone in the midst of panic, calming down can be an extraordinarily difficult task. For you, it might be effortless; for those of us with panic disorder, it might involve medication, breathing exercises, distraction, rituals, positive self-talk and reassurance, and/or time.

The “calm down” part is also problematic in and of itself. If you don’t have any tools, you can’t build a house, right? Unless you can construct some tools from thin air, you’re out of luck. Likewise, if we don’t have any tools or techniques (like the breathing exercises mentioned above) that can help us to become calmer, we can’t “build” anything. We can’t construct a ladder that will allow us to climb our way out of a panic attack. And, the added stress of being unable to comply with a “calm down” request might compound our anxiety.

Better response: Can I help you calm down? Is there anything I can do?

You say: “Why can’t you just relax?”
We want to say: “It’s a bit more complicated than you think!”

During a panic attack, the following physiological changes can occur:

* increased heart rate
* adrenaline rushes
* shortness of breath
* lightheadedness
* heart palpitations
* nausea
* trembling/shaking
* numbing or tingling in hands/feet

It’s like trying to relax while you’re being chased by a wild animal. Or while you’re frantically trying to find your way out of a burning building. Put simply, our panic-filled bodies aren’t capable of turning off the fight-or-flight impulse on cue. We’re not equipped with a switch. Even a steadfast resolve to relax will probably only incite further frustration over the fact that our body is going haywire.

True story: during my very first biofeedback session, the practitioner hooked me up to a computer that measures anxiety via skin conductance (read: sweat), hand temperature, heart rate, and breathing rate. As soon as she said, “Okay, now try to relax!”, my anxiety level (as measured objectively by a computer) surged upward. This is common!

Better response: I’m here for you. What can I do to help you relax?

You say: “There’s nothing wrong with you.”
We want to say: “Oh yeah? Then why does it feel like I’m going to have a (insert-severe medical-condition-here)?”

Classic line, often delivered by well-intentioned close friends, family, and significant others. Sometimes, this sentiment could be helpful — but only if we’re fretting over the “Is this just panic, or is it a heart attack or a stroke!?” question. Otherwise, it’s usually an unhelpful phrase that makes us want to yell, “Yes! There IS something wrong with me at the moment! I’m panicking, and it’s terrifyingly uncomfortable! THAT is what’s wrong!”

Better response: This must be uncomfortable. Can I do anything to make it better?

You say: “Sit down.”
We want to say: “But sitting down makes me more anxious!”

Usually, sitting down is a relaxing activity. We sit down to eat, to watch television, and to read a good book — and all of those events are generally agreeable and soothing. However, merely assuming a seated position isn’t going to act as a panacea.

The panic response sends a rush of adrenaline into our bloodstream that compels us to either fight or flee. It makes us feel like we need to be hypervigilant in order to ensure our survival. If you were really being chased by a wild animal, for example, sitting down would do you no good. That’s why the impulse to stand upright and stay alert is so strong. Leave this one up to the panicker: if we feel more comfortable sitting down, help us to find a safe spot. If we need to pace or go for a walk in order to calm down, let us.

You say: “You’re overreacting!”
We want to say: “Thanks, Captain Obvious.”

While it may be true that our body and mind are in overdrive, we often feel like we cannot control these reactions. In the midst of a rapid heartbeat, a cascading series of negative thoughts, and an intense urge to escape, having someone inform us that we’re overreacting is not helpful. We’re often aware that our body and mind are overreacting, but we may not yet possess the skills to disengage our frantic nervous system.

Better response: If you want, I’ll wait here with you until this passes.

Even though the above statements aren’t helpful to hear during a panic attack, some might be more appropriate after the threat of imminent panic has passed. If you know someone with panic disorder and want to be a great support person for them, check out this guide.

Why do women stray?

A blog I found interesting. Read here or below

If you go to the bookstore or Amazon, you'll find dozens, maybe even hundreds of books that talk about how to detect, prevent, punish, and recover from infidelity. "Treating" infidelity is BIG business. There's even a regular convention that focuses on all the books, counseling groups and marketing groups that make money off infidelity. Surprisingly, research and anecdotal data shows that infidelity does NOT usually happen because of problems in a marriage. I've even seen women who argue backwards this way - "I cheated, so there must be something wrong in my relationship, otherwise why would I have cheated?" But, when I look at female infidelity, I find that marital distress is very rarely a reason for wives who pursue extramarital sex. So what is?

• The Sexual Peak - an oft-cited statistic is that men reach their sexual peak at 18, and women at thirty. So, by the time a woman's sexual engine is really revving up, her husband's engine is already starting to run out of gas. Mark Twain even referred to this as God's jest. But, there's no real evidence that this is in fact true. Certainly there is no biological data supporting this. I think that this myth has more to do with the fact that, in our society, young women have not traditionally been taught to embrace their sexuality as young men are taught to do. It often takes a few years of adult independence and maturity, and perhaps sexuality within a marriage, before women feel comfortable and safe enough to begin asserting and exploring their sexual needs.

• The Back-Up Plan - The only place there is some evidence of a female sexual peak later in life is that there is a spike of female infidelity in the late thirties and forties, particularly as the woman reaches the end of her reproductive years. Evolutionary researchers have suggested that this might reflect women pursuing a "backup plan" or another man to care for them, and who children she can have, if her current mate abandons her as she can longer have children. I don't know about this argument - for instance, in my book, I talk about a Roman tradition where men who had had multiple children with their wives sometimes loaned her to other childless men, so that she could bear them children. I'm just not sure that in humans, the male desire to obsessively and jealously procreate is as strong as some theorists suggest. I also suggest that these same older women are likely reaching a point of economic independence, in their own careers and finances, a factor that strongly predicts female infidelity.

• Feeling Attractive - If there is any reason for female infidelity that I have heard and seen the most, it is the woman's experience of a sense of attractiveness from the attention of men other than her husband. One woman told me, "Of course my husband thinks I'm beautiful, he's supposed to. Or at least supposed to say that he does. But when a man I don't know thinks I'm beautiful? That sends a tingle down my spine." In so many marriages, relationships settle into a domestic comfortableness, as the exciting neurochemicals of the early stages of a relationship begin to subside. Sadly, one of the things that often subsides with it is the degree to which husbands and wives stop much of the vocal praise and admiration they gave each other early on. Couples stop talking about the things in each other that they appreciate and love. Even worse, when they do talk, it is mostly about the things that aren't working so well - finances, children, in-laws, etc. So, when a woman starts being tempted by another man, it's often because when she's with him, she feels beautiful, sexy, and desired.

• Freedom - Even as societies become more sexually equal, women continue to face tremendous pressures of conformity and huge burdens of responsibility. Sometimes, the thrill of a sexual affair An Indian woman offered the following comment, in response to an earlier blog of mine. Frankly, I think she describes this better than I could:

I am a middle-class Indian woman who had an arranged marriage; one that is not particularly satisfying. I have realized that respectable middle-class Indian society will give me the opportunity and the space to be unfaithful; as long as I am discrete and keep up the appearance of being a chaste, devoted wife. Living as I do in a society that doesn't offer women a lot of validation outside of marriage and motherhood; and which gives husbands a disproportionate amount of authority over wives; I find that being unfaithful is often the only way I can reclaim a little bit of my personhood. For a few hours, I can be a free being, not just someone's wife and daughter-in-law. I wonder if there are other women like me, particularly in traditional, patriarchal societies like India's for whom infidelity is often a means of finding autonomous self-expression.
• Stranger Attraction - In studies of the sexual behavior of primates, it's been found that females will often seize the opportunity to mate with a male of another troop or group. In contrast to theories that females are selective of their sexual partners, seeking out "the best," some findings suggest that females may actually prefer variety and diversity. One evolutionary explanation is that this increases the genetic diversity of the child. In humans, studies of the major histocompatibility complex (MHC), which governs the development of the immune system, it's been found that women who are married to men whose MHC is too similar to their own are prone to be sexually unfaithful (or at least tempted) around their ovulation. And they are more tempted by men whose MHC is different. Interestingly enough, to bring this blog around to where I started, the MHC variables did not predict relationship satisfaction - despite the temptations or incidents of cheating, the marriages were happy and healthy.

Government's role in EI

According to Stats Can, as of May 2010, 37,680 people in Newfoundland are on EI. Population of Newfoundland as of April 2010 is 510,901. So 7.4% of the provincial population is on EI. If every one of those people were making minimum wage before going on EI, they would be making perhaps $17,000 a year on EI? If they spent about 5 years of their entire work life on EI, that is $85,000 per person. I am assuming a lot of things here of course, first of all, not everyone works minimum wage, not everyone spends 5 years on EI over the span of some 30 years they work. Some spend more, some spend less. But with those numbers, the government would be spending $3,202,800,000 every year on EI! That’s a huge chunk of the budget. Where does all this come from? Granted, when people are working, they pay into it. So it’s like giving them their money back when they need it. I love the system. But I wonder how efficient it is.
Imagine if the government did the exact same thing it is doing now but it tells the people on EI that they need to earn the EI. They need to do something to seek employment, either go back to school, do a training program or seek help of an employment agency. The government is already spending money on these people, why not pay them to ensure a better future for themselves? Imagine if the government paid a person on EI to take a 4 month technical training program. This person’s lifetime EI time might be cut down. Imagine if they went back to school and upgraded their education. Imagine if they went into a field that the province really needs and thus never needs to go on EI again. That’s $85,000 that does not need to be given to them for nothing. Imagine if the government said, the less time you spend on EI, the more money will be given to you once you retire. If, of those 37,680 people, even 680 people managed to get jobs and hold on to their jobs, that’s $57,800,000 that can go towards pensions.
It is not just a money game. Unemployment begets unemployment I think. The amount of stress someone goes through during unemployment is immense. It can affect their personal life and throw them into depression. If they have families to support, they can also suffer the negative impacts of unemployment in the family. These may have long term and permanent consequences on everyone involved. When someone is depressed, they usually don’t have the energy or the will to go look for a job, and they don’t have the mental state to hold on to one either. The lack of money and constant moving around can make depression worse, making this a catch 22. They are depressed because they don’t have a job, they don’t have a job because they are depressed. It goes on and on.
Being an active and productive member of the family and community is a great protector from many such mental stresses. I think the government can do better with the unfortunate ones who lose their job, either due to a downturn of economy, lack of need of their skills or for those who have no skills. The government can help ensure that everyone is doing something or is attempting to do something rather than playing the waiting game of who will hire them next. It is undoubtedly a better financial strategy and one that will keep the population healthier and happier.

Sources:

http://www40.statcan.gc.ca/l01/cst01/labor02a-eng.htm

http://www.stats.gov.nl.ca/Statistics/Population/PDF/Quarterly_Pop_Prov.pdf

Doctor's repulsiveness towards patient

I found this article that I found reall interesting and wanted to copy it here:

Article

I had to be honest—I was uncomfortable with my new patient, a woman in her late thirties, in my office for a general medical check-up. Ms. M. was petite in stature, but wide in girth, a medical condition we’d term “morbid obesity.” Her face was entirely swallowed up in thick fleshy layers of neck and jowl. Her belly was so overgrown and pendulous that it hung like a third appendage between her legs. Her hips and legs were so wide that her gait was impeded.

She struggled onto the exam table with difficulty. The metal table shuddered under her weight. When I lifted her shirt to listen to her lungs, I gained an up-close view of bulbous waves of adipose tissue that spilled over in tiered layers. When I palpated her abdomen, my hands were engulfed in a sea of fat. My job is to be nonjudgmental, but the reflexive discomfort was impossible to deny, and I was upset at my unease.

So when I read a recent study in the Journal of General Internal Medicine that doctors seem to express less respect for obese patients, I wasn’t surprised—but I was dismayed. Why do medical professionals react that way?

No doubt one reason is that obesity—like alcoholism and drug use—is considered to be self-induced, even by doctors who are well aware of genetics and the other confounding factors involved. From the perspective of a group singularly steeped in the discipline and deprivation that got us through medical school and residency, it’s hard to jettison the idea—despite mountains of scientific evidence to the contrary—that these medical conditions could be alleviated by simple personal responsibility.

Perhaps in obese patients we see the feared reflections of ourselves, should we lose our carefully honed discipline. My own adolescent battles with weight and body image—however modest compared with my patient’s—left me with an aversion to junk food and overeating. Maybe Ms. M. represents my worst nightmare, what I would become if I stopped being vigilant and lost control altogether.
Maybe the pure physicality of obesity is the issue. In a society that worships svelte and fit bodies to an unhealthy extreme, even a well-groomed, tidy person like Ms. M. can be perceived as slovenly just because of her weight.

These reactions are entirely irrational, of course; but emotions were never billed as rational, and doctors are as susceptible as anyone else. I don’t want to be the type of doctor who prejudges her patients, and I certainly don’t want to contribute to the very real stigma that obese people face in so many aspects of their lives. Yet I couldn’t help the automatic discomfort I felt.

The more I actually talked with Ms. M, the easier things became. She was soft-spoken and talked forthrightly of the stress of raising three children and tending her to her own medical problems, many of which stemmed from her obesity. She admitted that she had trouble controlling her eating, that stress only caused her to eat more, and that being overweight made her depressed. And she spoke of a family history of obesity, poverty, emotional abuse, and neglect.

After we finished our visit, I thought about my reaction to her. Was it any different than racism, any less repellent? Even if her condition were self-induced, even partly, how could I countenance how I felt?

Over the years, I’ve cared for patients who were potently malodorous. I’ve tugged off socks with lives of their own. I’ve changed dressings on putrid, oozing wounds. I’ve encountered maggots, roaches, and diarrhea during physical examinations. I’ve gagged and felt close to vomiting many times—I’m as squeamish as the next person. I can’t control my physical reactions, as I can’t control some of my emotional ones. But I can control what I do with them; they are internal experiences and can be tamed with my outer behavior.

But is that enough? Even if I hide how I feel about an “undesirable” patient, my feelings still may subtly influence how I respond and interact, in a way that results in poorer medical care. This is a genuine fear of mine. Marginalized groups of all stripes have tended to avoid the health care system. The barriers are many—financial, logistical, language. Studies suggest that the feeling of being disrespected, even covertly, also plays a role.
So how do doctors change our inner landscapes? How do we control our gut feelings? One step is to own up: to be honest about our feelings (in the appropriate forum, of course), however distasteful these feelings may be. Another approach, to borrow a technique from psychology, is to “act as if.” If a doctor can act as if an obese—or smelly, or irritating, or alcoholic—patient doesn’t bother her, perhaps in time it really won’t. More important, her behavior serves as a model to the students, interns, and medical staff around her.

I was relieved recently to read a new study, the largest of its kind, that found that the medical care given to overweight patients is no different than what the general medical population receives. Despite an ingrained societal bias against obesity, one that affects physicians as well, the medical profession seems to able to overcome it and deliver quality treatment.

I’m not sure that suffices, though. Doctors may swallow their gut feelings, hold their noses, and adequately treat patients whom they deem undesirable. But even that approach conflicts with a general tenet of medical professionalism, that we treat all patients with compassion. Compassion can’t be faked, or put on for the moment. It presumes genuine sentiment, within which lies respect.

When we train medical students, we talk a lot about empathy. In its most literal sense, empathy is the attempt to appreciate the emotions of another, to feel the world from their perspective. As I talked more with Ms. M. during her visit, I began to get a sense of what her life was like. I couldn’t presume to actually know how she felt, but I could begin to imagine it and how I might cope with an extra hundred pounds and the attendant stress.
When I saw her in my office recently, I felt a difference in myself. The physical exam was still a little difficult for me—I’m being honest—but I worked to keep Ms. M. in the forefront of my mind. My emotions pulled but felt more manageable.

Maybe that’s what doctors should strive for—to prod our negative feelings out of the shadows, however awkward the process. The truth is, disrespect has no place in the doctor-patient relationship. To provide good medical care, doctors must first ensure that every patient feels comfortable in their presence. If doctors don’t feel comfortable themselves, we must be honest about it; only then will the biases have the chance to dissipate.

Finding and understanding an idea different from your own

It's true that we like to think what we know is true and right and those that oppose our ideas are wrong. But is that actually true? How many times have you been proved wrong? Probably very few. Because you forgot about those times. We don't consider those, we push them out of memory because we all like to think we are perfect, or close to it. And anyone who questions that is evil and don't deserve our respect, they could only be the villain in our little sob story.

But what do we gain from being this way? Do we learn from our mistakes if we think we didn't make any mistakes? Do we try to fix ourselves? Fix what? I am perfect!

Does this lead to us being exceptionally arrogant that others want to stay away? But if everyone is doing this then who is right?

I think it's important for us to train our minds to be open, to be willing to intelligently consider all possibilities. Not be gullible, but not be stuck up either. Only then can we better ourselves. Because if nothing else, I do know one truth. As humans, we are not perfect.

Ps. I did find an article regarding this that I wanted to share

Article


While it feels great to have others constantly confirm that our beliefs about life and the world are right, we already know that can be bad for us in the long run. Well, what might not be so obvious is that the same holds true when it comes to our news consumption.

As more of us turn to the web as our main, if not only, source of news, the breadth and depth of our news diet often decreases. We can be attracted to websites and stories that back up our existing theories, echo our social and political views, and make us feel strong and right. John F. Harris, editor in chief of Politico.com, recently told The New York Times, "Everybody in the audience is his or her own editor based on where they want to move their mouse." Our news selection is often times less practical than it is emotional.

Choosing news programs, networks, and websites that simply express some version of what we already believe can have negative consequences. How do we expect to solve anything without understanding how the other side thinks and feels? Albert Einstein said it best: "No problem can be solved from the same consciousness that created it." Plus, what happened to being challenged? Expanding our minds? How about a little friendly debate?

Follow these simple steps the next time you get your news online to help expand your mind:

Be aware of the collective. Do you only read the articles listed under "Most Read" or "Most Emailed"? Go beyond that to know what other news is out there.

Surf a site with an opposing slant. Check out an op-ed from someone on the other side of the issue. If you don't agree with it, now you might at least have a better sense of why.

Try to see the other side. Even if you disagree with the overall idea, sometimes there might be aspects of it that resonate with you. Either way, it is a good chance to practice open-mindedness.

Enjoy the debate. Get together with a friend who has different views on government bailouts, gay marriage or some other hot button issue and have a debate. Fight fair as you work to present your point and practice actively listening to theirs. It can be a great way to connect.

Take a break from the water cooler. Yes, those gossip stories about celebrities can be entertaining, but make sure to get a balanced diet of news including top stories, health and other topics important to everyday life.

Building awareness about our news consumption habits can foster deeper mindfulness about how we think about issues and our world. Plus, who knows, we might discover something new about ourselves in the process!

TOP TIPS FOR JOB HUNTERS: Network. Network. Network.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/science-and-sensibility/201007/top-tips-job-hunters-network-network-network

Here is a link to a good article and I will paste it here for people to read:

TOP TIPS FOR JOB HUNTERS: Network. Network. Network.
Get a great job through networking. Learn how now.

Networking is probably the most important step toward getting employed. By networking you dramatically increase your chances of getting hired sooner rather than later.

Most new jobs result from networking. This is as simple as asking your friends, relations, and business contacts for information about job openings. Here is an equally important question. Ask who do they know who can open the gate to a job opportunity. When your contact person knows the gate keeper, you are more likely to get a favorable response.

If you are fortunate, one or more of your network contacts will champion your application. This is a big boost any time, and especially in a weak job market when the time to get rehired usually takes longer, unless, that is, you make a special effort to beat the averages. To get into this favorable position, you have to do something first. Make the contacts!

Expand Your Horizons

Your primary network resources are the approachable people in your life whom you already know. These are your friends, relatives, neighbors, and former business contacts.

Not all primary sources include people you currently know. Developing new contacts through networking is a usual business practice. If you are in sales, you may ask a good customer for names of others who may want to do business with your organization. If you don't ask, how are you to know? The same is true when you network for a job.

Primary sources people have are the ones with information or influence. You may not know them at a personal level, but you can introduce yourself to them. For example, recently promoted people, who are in your career area, are good potential contacts. You can identify them via news articles announcing their promotions. Some may want to reshape a department, and will have an opening that you may be able to fill. If you are a college graduate, send your resume and a cover letter to your alumni placement office. Then follow up with a call.

The food server at a restaurant will, from time to time, hear discussions about jobs. A simple question, "Have you heard about any openings for a security guard (manager, machinist, manufacturing)?" can lead to a lead. If you are a "good tipper," your food server may tip you off to an opportunity. The person behind the counter at an auto parts store can be a source for information about jobs. You're buying something. There is a built in reciprocity. Leave a card.

Your local State representative and Congressperson are resources. Some are interested in helping their constituents find work. Make an appointment to speak to a legislative aide. Check with you local Chamber of Commerce for job opening information in your area of interest.

When you use secondary networking techniques you make informal contacts. Secondary sources are anywhere you can find them: at parties, conferences, tag sales, antique shows, or fishing on a public dock. They may be people at the table next to your table at a restaurant, engaged in discussing jobs. A casual but positive comment may (or may not) bring you into the conversation.

Are you a member of a social organization? Do you play sports? Do you have hobbies? Each area provides an informal opportunity to network.

For some secondary contacts, hand out your card with your job interest written on the back. All you need is one home run to win the job-search game. You never know who will lob you a ball that you can hit.

This is a number game. The more contacts you make the more likely you'll identify an opportunity. Fearless Job Hunting (Knaus, Klarreich, Grieger & Knaus 2010. New Harbinger)will tell you more about how to identify network contacts, and how to nurture the profitable contacts that you make.

Avoidable Pitfalls

Having or developing the skill to network effectively is a critical job-search tool--perhaps the most important. But many people put off networking because of intruder fears, the appearance of asking for a handout, feeling phony, fearing you'll embarrassing yourself, acting threatened, procrastination, or other.

You have an intruder fear if you believe you will interrupt or inconvenience practically anyone you ask for information about jobs. Consider an alternative view. The challenge is to find those who are interested in helping, and let the others go their own way. This experimental view is a radical change from one-way-street intruder thinking.

If you think networking is approaching people as though you were looking for a handout, think again. To network is to approach friends, relatives, neighbors, former business contacts, and promising new people and ask if they know of a job opening, or someone you can speak to who might. This is like asking for a recommendation for a good dentist. Would you see a friend or relative's request for help as asking for charity? Most would see this as an opportunity to be helpful.

Do you see networking as brown nosing and acting like a phony? You don't have to flatter others to ask for information. Would you flatter a librarian to ask how to use Internet resources to find a job? There are many cordial ways to ask people for assistance. This can include a genuine recognition of the value of the resources they can offer.

Are you embarrassed asking people about work. If so, you may have a self-defeating problem to solve. Ralph left for work at 7:00AM and returned home at 6:00 PM. Everything looked normal. The same yard service appeared every week. He'd wave to people as he drove down the street. There was a caveat. Ralph was out of work for about two years. He was too embarrassed about his job loss to ask for help. As time went on, he was embarrassed for not asking for help sooner. He stopped looking for a job because he felt embarrassed to face a future employer question about why he was out of work for so long. This was a therapeutic issue. Once Ralph learned to stop telling himself embarrassing thoughts, he settled down and got a job.

Threat can lead to defensive aggression. Dawn was running out of money. Time was running out on getting her fledgling consulting practice up and running. After attending a presentation on employee selection, she approached the speaker and demanded names of business contacts so that she could sell her consulting services. She pushed a pad in the speaker's face. This came across like a Seinfeld TV comedy skit. Here, it is important to take some time-even if a minute or so-to develop rapport. Skip this step, and you limit yourself.

Do you think you are doing yourself a big favor by plowing through want ads as though this was the only way you can find a job? This is a way to find work, but not a very efficient one. About 11% find jobs through newspaper ads. Reading and re-reading newspaper want ads is more often a procrastination busy work practice.

If you find yourself in this busy work procrastination pattern, refocus. What's your job search objective? What are high yield approaches to getting a job?

Networking is a high yield approach. If you are not networking with reasonable consistency, you are procrastinating. To unsnarl yourself from this pattern, see: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/science-and-sensibility/20100... The above procrastination test gives links to blogs that give solutions to your specific form of procrastination.

Read End Procrastination Now (Knaus. 2010. McGraw-Hill). You'll find multiple tested techniques to avoid traps like fear of failure. Adapt them to boost your productivity, follow through on job opportunities, and then keep the job.